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Another Recap of America’s Got Talent Week 1

The America’s Got Talent Judges for Season 3 are the same as Season 2: They are  Piers Morgan, winner of Celebrity Apprentice (the Simon).  Sharon Osbourne, an adorable firecracker (the Paula, but sober).  David Hasselhoff, whom I’ve heard Germans love (the Randy).  (Aside: if you haven’t seen Hasselhoff’s Jekyll & Hyde, it was impressive.) It also sounds like in addition to the judges’ buzzers, the audience can boo you off-stage. This is like The Gong Show meets Night at the Apollo.  I cannot wait.

It kicks off in New York City with 52 year-old metal worker Bill Curly. He is a self-described “song & dance man” and says his act is “serious/mysterious.” Yikes. One thing I dislike about Idol is there aren’t enough good auditions broadcast and there are too many borderline mentally-challenged adults getting laughed at by the judges. I’m fearful this fits into the latter category. Curly Bill Brosius sings “It’s Not Unusual” and gets buzzed right away by Hoff and Piers.  Sharon says that it was actually Bill doing Elvis doing Tom Jones. He is quickly dispatched.

There’s a montage set to Michael Jackson’s “Bad” of a tongue-stretcher (call me!), a trumpeter with dance moves, a mime (eek!), some sort of acrobat in a box, a man blowing on his hand like a fake fart (ew), and an unfunny comedian. We then have Jonathan, a 32 year-old classical trombonist. The trombone is not a sexy instrument, but I’ll give him a shot. He plays “Bad Girls,” and has some kick-ass disco moves.  This guy rules!  He even breaks out the Fonzie-Russian-dancer-move while he plays.  Dayum!  The judges loved him, the audience was going bananas, he’s through to the next round.

Twin sisters Gabriela and Michaela, who are from Rumania and go by “Indigo,” are wearing futuristic hooker outfits and a lot of makeup. They have a routine to “New York, New York” and it’s… these might be twin drag queens. They get buzzed by the men, but the audience seems to be having a grand ol’ time.  I think on their last big note, a little blood trickled out of my ears. Hoff compares them to Dracula Women, but Sharon puts them through because America is the Land of Opportunity.  Hey, if we don’t give opportunities to futuristic twin hooker Rumanian drag queens, who do we give chances to?  Hoff says he’ll give them an opportunity to go back to Bucharest. HAHA! Hoff made me laugh. They strip off their jackets and then Piers puts them through. That was unexpected.

Brothers Tory and Damian from Queens are “Nuttin’ but Strings.” They combine classical and hip-hop on their violins. This looks amazing, I am giddy with anticipation.  They do not disappoint.  I’ve found my early favorite.  It’s hard to do it justice here, but essentially they play violins set to a hip-hop soundtrack. The energy is amazing. Well done. Piers calls them original and super-talented.  Sharon says they are going to be responsible for a lot of young kids going for violin lessons, which is exactly what they want.  Hoff loved it and so did I.

There is a Montage o’ Yesses with an illusionist (unfortunately not named Gob), a puppeteer (with a de-feathered headless turkey body as a puppet, dear lord), five cutie boys doing a Stomp/Blue Man Group act, and four girls called “Jazmin” who sing “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.” Why couldn’t we see more of that and less of Tom-Jones-metal-worker-guy?

Next up is the tap-dancing reanimated corpse of Bette Davis. Oh, I’m sorry… it’s actually Mary Bly. She’s an 80 year-old tap-dancer. I admire her wanting to do this before she croaks (her words), but I’m pretty sure she’s wearing one of Shirley Temple’s dresses. When she’s dancing, she looks absolutely terrified but she moves pretty well for an 80 year-old woman. She reminds me of how my grandma used to dance in a group of line-dancing old women called “The Silver Liners.” Good for Mary. Hoff steals my Shirley Temple joke, but says no. Sharon tells her she did beautifully and gives her a yes. Piers says no thanks.

There’s a montage of young contestants with a tap-dancer, a hula-hooper, a singer and an accordian player (accordianist?). However, then we have Kae Lynn (Calyn?). She’s four and I swear to God, Piers better be nice to her. She runs out on stage and when asked if she’s from New York, she says, “I’m from America.” Awww. She sings “Somewhere Out There” and she has that thing with kids where her Rs haven’t quite dropped yet, so it sounds like “Somewhewe Out Thewe.”  Sharon and I are getting misty, this is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. For a four year-old, this is pretty good too; she can really follow the melody line. Sharon tells her well done, Piers tells her she’s the best four year-old singer in the world, Hoff says “fantastic.” They all vote yes while a Katharine McPhee wannabe sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in the background. Kae Lynn runs off to hug her daddy. Awwww. Dammit show. Now I’m all cry-faced.

For the second hour tonight we move to Chicago. First is a group of moms called the Slippered Kittens. The spokesmom of the group looks like a Girl Next Door. They dance to traditional can-can music and they also strip. They said they wanted to show that burlesque could be classy, but I don’t know if this was the way to do it. Hoff says they were great but I think that might have been Lil’ Hoff talking. Piers and Sharon both see potential and they are through to the next round. Huh. I thought that was pretty rough because, stripping aside, the dancing wasn’t that good.

Up next is Chay Vang, who kicks off a Montage O’ Boos with his two-necked guitar he made himself.  Except he can’t get plugged in. Then he has to fiddle with the amps a little. The crowd gets restless. His actual guitar playing is hideous, he gets the hook.  (I wish there was a hook.)  Terry comes out to do a… voiceover? That’s his talent? Huh. The crowd then boos Santa Claus (must all be Phillies fans), an Ethel Merman-esque lady and finally a brass group whose lead singer looks like he escaped from an asylum.

We meet 17 year-old Jonathan, who is a baton twirler I think? He talks about how hard it was for him growing up. Turns out I was right, he is a baton twirler. I could tell by the outfit. He performs to “Devil Went Down to Georgia” and he twirls a flaming baton. He’s like Cheryl Frasier come to life. He’s doing all the moves that I recognize as extremely difficult for twirlers, so I hope he makes it. Hoff says all the kids who called him names can shove it and that he’s proud of Jonathan for sticking with his dream. Awww, Hoff! What a nice thing to say! I like these judges A LOT more than Randy/Paula/Simon. Jonathan is through to the next round.

We’ve now moved to Los Angeles for the last thirty minutes. It’s awesome that Chicago gave us stripping moms and a baton twirler. A Britney impersonator is our first act and it’s a little scary how much he actually looks like Britney. Derek is a 24 year-old professional Britney impersonator. How does he not already have a Vegas show? He dances to “Toxic,” but he only lip-syncs. I guess that’s what Britney does most the time too, though. Fair enough. It was a pretty good imitation, I’ll give him that. Piers calls it a trainwreck and I agree, but Sharon and Hoff say yes.

Montage O’ Yesses include a gymnast-hula-hooper, a clog group, a singer who is 15 and sings “I Have Nothing,” and a hip-hop group. Then we have a group of dance teachers called “Dallas Dance Company” doing a jazz routine to “Groove is in the Heart,” but they get buzzed. A Montage O’ Sucky Dance Groups shows a Thriller dance, a solo dancer, a partner dance, and a crazy woman on roller skates. There’s another clogging group called Extreme Dancing FX that does contemporary, hip-hop clogging, which is cool. They dance to a hip-hop mix and it’s quite entertaining. Piers hates their outfits, which is a quibble. Sharon loved it and Hoff loved it, but says change your outfits. They immediately strip off their outer shirts, haha! They’re through to the next round.

Our last guy of the night is 32 year-old insurance salesman opera singer named Neal.  He talks about growing up poor and how important his mom is to him. Awww. It’s a lil’ dusty in here again.  He says he got into opera listening to the Three Tenors when he was little and also how proud his mom is and he gets choked up. Geez Louise, I can’t take these stories! These kick the Idol stories’ butts.  He sings  something in Italian, I don’t recognize it. I apologize for my lack of opera knowledge. Neal is very good, though. He gets a standing ovation and breaks down in tears and now I’m crying. Good lord in heaven. Hoff calls him the front-runner, Sharon says he’s spectacular, and Piers says there was electricity. Aww.  He’s through, what a great moment.

Final Thoughts:  Jerry Springer stands off to the side and makes random comments.  He is no Ryan Seacrest and he is completely unnecessary.  The judges are awesome; I think I want to marry David Hasselhoff.  There’s been some awesome talent tonight and I appreciate that the weirdo-terrible-crazy acts were kept to a minimum; the American Idol editors could take a page from the editors of this show.  The voiceover tells us to come back next week for EVEN MORE TALENT!
Source: ZapToIt

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Missouri is high on America’s Got Talent Neal E. Boyd

A local Missouri Website was bloggin Live tonight about the Week 1 America’s Got Talent show. They are fond of one of their own, Neal E. Boyd.  Here is what they had to say about Mr. Neal E Boyd:

“The producers of NBC’s “America’s Got Talent” thought enough of Sikeston’s Neal E. Boyd to give him a long introductory segment telling his story of growing up poor in Southeast Missouri before making his performance the climax of this season’s first show.
They saved the best for last, it seems.
And the judges and audience in Los Angeles agreed with the producers.
Boyd performed at the end of a program that featured everything from singing Romanian twins to dueling hip hop violinists to male Britney Spears impersonators. After the tenor sang, judge David Hasselhoff said “right now you are the frontrunner” of the competition.
Host Jerry Springer said Boyd was the best talent he’d seen on the show. Judge Piers Morgan called Boyd “a very, very special talent.”
The audience gave Boyd a standing ovation.
Next he’ll move on to Las Vegas to continue the competition and a chance at $1 million and his own Vegas show.
Boyd’s performance was extremely beautiful and touching — by far the highlight of the night. My wife cried.
If he wins, it seems to me victory can’t come to a better guy.”

What are your thoughts of Neal E. Boyd?

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America’s Got Talent Season 3 Week 1 6-17-08 Recap

This is Season 3 of America’s Got Talent and the only true question is will we see real talent and will the show be a success. Will the iron out the kinks from the last two season and make an entertaining show?

Recap:
We are first introduced in NYC to the 52-year-old Bill “Serious Mysterious” Curly, who swears he’s been told he was a great dancer since he was a child. Those people lied. He does a Tom Jones impression that is like a drunk, fat Elvis doing a Tom Jones impression, and he’s almost immediately buzzed and booed off stage. When the whole disaster is over, Piers says that it was the single worst tribute act he’s ever seen. The audience cheers in agreement. It’s a unanimous no from the judges.

A montage of horrible auditions follows, showing everything from a teenager with a flexible tongue, a dancer/trumpeter who is bad at both, a crazy little puppet act with what looks like midgets, a guy who hums on his hand, and a comedian who puts a shower cap over his face for reasons unknown to me, but which I take was a failed attempt at a joke. David Hasselhoff asks the camera where the talent is at. I wish I knew the answer, Hoff. I wish I knew.

Jonathan Arons is a trombonist from New York City. He seems like a pleasant gentleman and as a former trombonist myself, I hope he does our people proud. Disco music plays in the background and Jonathan breaks out the trombone to play along. What he also breaks out, unexpectedly, are some crazy ‘70s dance moves that have the entire audience clapping along with him. Jonathan here tromboned and did the hustle straight into my cold, dead heart. The judges also found him entertaining and he’s off to Vegas.

Next up are feisty twin sisters Indiggo. Why the extra “g”? I don’t know. Maybe it has a twin, too? These girls look like Russian mail order brides from the future with their dark red lipstick and revealing metallic outfits. They sing in throaty, accented voices to “New York, New York.” They are very community theater in their badness, but they soldier on through the buzzers and the boos and eventually the sheer force of their personalities illicit just as many cheers as boos. The girls are met with a positive response from Sharon, but David compares them to Dracula women and says they should go back to Bucharest. Strangely, Piers was won over by their loud insanity, and he sends them through to Vegas.

Next up is a brother act called Nuttin But Strings. They combine classical and hip-hop music using what are surely their mad violin skills. After some flirting between the boys and Sharon, they break out their act, which is exactly as described. It’s fast paced and thumping, with some incredibly fast violin playing. It’s like “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” meets MTV, and it’s awesome. When they finish, the audience is on its feet and cheering. They are unanimously praised by the judges and are sent through to Vegas.

With those successes, we head into a montage of good performers. This time we have an illusionist, a puppet show done with a raw chicken that pops out an egg, some frat boy types doing a Stomp-like routine with trash cans and colorful batons, and a quartet of beautiful girls that sing an old time-y tune.

80-year-old retired waitress Mary Blye is a tap dancer in a polka dot dress. She looks like an elderly Shirley Temple. She taps her way on stage and makes a Mary J. Blige reference — who doesn’t love an old lady who can bust out some pop culture quips? Her music cranks up and she begins her tapping. Considering her age, it’s not bad, but that in no way implies that it’s great. Jerry Springer is terrified that she will fall off the edge of the stage, which thankfully she does not. She gets a buzz from David and Piers, and after David gives his critique she begins tapping offstage. I think she forgot where she was, and in fact David calls back to my earlier joke and says she looks like Shirley Temple after being lost in the woods for years. Mary is not going to Vegas, but everyone enjoyed her moxie anyway.

From over the hill to barely starting up the hill, there’s a sad montage of little kids getting their hearts broken when they are told they aren’t talented enough to proceed. Sorry, wee little tap dancer! Au revoir, hula hooping boy! You did do your best, mini accordion player! Sadly, your best wasn’t good enough, but you’re young, I trust you’ll bounce back from this nationally televised failure.

Can four year old singer Kaitlyn Maher win the judges’ hearts when so many other moppets have tried and failed? Her parents seem to think so, and what better objective judges of her talent could there be? To “awws” from the audience Kaitlyn sings “Somewhere Out There” and does an absolutely adorable job. This is perhaps the cutest thing I’ve seen on TV this year, I’m not going to lie. You can see Piers’s heart grow three sizes that day as he watches, and as Kaitlyn ends the audience cheers loudly. She gets three yesses from the judges and she’s off to Vegas. Seems her parents were right about her after all.

I am normally such a jaded person, but that whole sequence totally made me smile. If you excuse me, I think I have something in my eye. I should go take care of that.

On to Chicago, where more acts wait for the chance to embarrass themselves on TV. A group of moms calling themselves the Slippery Kittens are the first to perform. The lead mom looks like she’s on her way to having Joan Rivers’s face, and I am frightened to think what the “slippery kittens” of this groups’ name is referring to. The ladies come out dressed in old time-y red-and-black dresses, saying that they want to show that burlesque can be classy. They do a Can Can and proceed to strip off much of their clothing while flashing their underoos at the camera, which is not the class they promised us, no sir. I’m sure their children are mortified watching this at home, though it is fairly enjoyable for the rest of us. Piers makes a crack about the Joan Rivers mom having had a lot of work done, which is horribly inappropriate and also funny as all heck. Good show, Mr. Morgan. The Slippery Kittens are put through to Vegas.

32-year-old factory worker Che has invented something that looks like two guitars fused together into one big Siamese guitar. He spends far too much time plugging the contraption in as a bored, silent audience watches. Eventually he gets started and the results are horrendous. It’s like what would happen if I played Guitar Hero drunk, this noise he makes. He is booed and buzzed off the stage.

The audience goes mad, apparently, and begins booing people off stage without even giving them a chance. Even Santa can’t win them over. The audience seems ready to storm the stage with giant hooks and pull off an old lady warbler and a group of percussionists. The judges are frightened for their lives. The audience wants blood.

17-year-old Jonathan was teased mercilessly as a child because of his talent. Will he now have to add “literally torn to shreds by a rabid Chicago audience” to his list of personal traumas? Turns out he is a baton twirler, and he goes whole hog by breaking out the flaming batons. “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” blares as he twirls and spins and tosses and even flips across the stage. He does well and, what do you know, he is greeted with uproarious cheers. The judges are proud of him, even calling out his emotional mother to congratulate her, too. Jonathan and his mom are on to Vegas.

I guess Chicago was overall not that impressive, because now we’re on to Los Angeles. A male Britney Spears impersonator named Derek comes on stage looking fierce. Sorry to say it, but current day Britney wishes she looked as good as this guys does while impersonating her. He does his drag act while singing along to “Toxic.” He even has fake backup singers. Piers is not amused, but the other judges and most of the audience seemed to enjoy themselves. I think we’re all just so starved for the original non-crazy Britney that we’ll glom on to the closest thing we can get. Piers doesn’t want Derek to go to Vegas, but Sharon and David both give him a yes. Faux Britney and his pleather cat suit are on to the next round.

Los Angeles proved good for the judges and we get a montage of other talented folks including a woman dancing with hoops, a clog dancing troop dressed in black leather, a 15-year-old singer who busts out with “I Have Nothing,” and a hip hop dance troop.

A group of dance teachers called Dallas Dance Company is up next, and even if all of these women are childless they look more like moms than the Slippery Kittens with their plastic surgery and tattoos ever will. Strangely, for a bunch of dance teachers their jazz dance routine is horrendous and they are all sent home. The judges are just as unimpressed by a “Thriller” routine performed by a group of high schoolers in full on zombie make up, a poor excuse for a hip hop dancer, a pair of twin dancers that did not double my pleasure, and a grandma on roller skates who does some krumping. That last one wasn’t as fun to watch as it should have been, sadly.

A contemporary young clog team is one of the last acts. They hit it hard as a hip-hop song comes on. They are kind of like Riverdance with a contemporary soundtrack, and I think it’s totally fun. Piers buzzes them, but he explains it was because he hated their dayglo outfits. He is booed soundly by the audience. With warning that they need to change the outfits and with the audience cheering for them, the youthful cloggers are sent through to Vegas.

Insurance salesmen Neil is an opera singer and is one of the last performers to go on. After lengthy talk about how his mother inspired him, during which Neil becomes misty eyed, they play his music and he begins to sing, absolutely beautifully. I’m no expert on opera, but it sounds fantastic to me. The theater audience clearly agrees and quickly gets to their feet. It’s not long before even the judges are standing, which is not something you often seen on any talent competition show. He easily sails through to the Vegas round, and he gets emotional as he is told he is now a clear front runner.

That’s it for this week’s auditions. The search for America’s top talent will continue next Tuesday at 9pm with another two hours of entertaining and talented people vying for the grand prize as Piers, Sharon and David continue their trek through America’s largest cities.

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