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America’s Got Talent Season 3 Week 1 6-17-08 Recap

This is Season 3 of America’s Got Talent and the only true question is will we see real talent and will the show be a success. Will the iron out the kinks from the last two season and make an entertaining show?

Recap:
We are first introduced in NYC to the 52-year-old Bill “Serious Mysterious” Curly, who swears he’s been told he was a great dancer since he was a child. Those people lied. He does a Tom Jones impression that is like a drunk, fat Elvis doing a Tom Jones impression, and he’s almost immediately buzzed and booed off stage. When the whole disaster is over, Piers says that it was the single worst tribute act he’s ever seen. The audience cheers in agreement. It’s a unanimous no from the judges.

A montage of horrible auditions follows, showing everything from a teenager with a flexible tongue, a dancer/trumpeter who is bad at both, a crazy little puppet act with what looks like midgets, a guy who hums on his hand, and a comedian who puts a shower cap over his face for reasons unknown to me, but which I take was a failed attempt at a joke. David Hasselhoff asks the camera where the talent is at. I wish I knew the answer, Hoff. I wish I knew.

Jonathan Arons is a trombonist from New York City. He seems like a pleasant gentleman and as a former trombonist myself, I hope he does our people proud. Disco music plays in the background and Jonathan breaks out the trombone to play along. What he also breaks out, unexpectedly, are some crazy ‘70s dance moves that have the entire audience clapping along with him. Jonathan here tromboned and did the hustle straight into my cold, dead heart. The judges also found him entertaining and he’s off to Vegas.

Next up are feisty twin sisters Indiggo. Why the extra “g”? I don’t know. Maybe it has a twin, too? These girls look like Russian mail order brides from the future with their dark red lipstick and revealing metallic outfits. They sing in throaty, accented voices to “New York, New York.” They are very community theater in their badness, but they soldier on through the buzzers and the boos and eventually the sheer force of their personalities illicit just as many cheers as boos. The girls are met with a positive response from Sharon, but David compares them to Dracula women and says they should go back to Bucharest. Strangely, Piers was won over by their loud insanity, and he sends them through to Vegas.

Next up is a brother act called Nuttin But Strings. They combine classical and hip-hop music using what are surely their mad violin skills. After some flirting between the boys and Sharon, they break out their act, which is exactly as described. It’s fast paced and thumping, with some incredibly fast violin playing. It’s like “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” meets MTV, and it’s awesome. When they finish, the audience is on its feet and cheering. They are unanimously praised by the judges and are sent through to Vegas.

With those successes, we head into a montage of good performers. This time we have an illusionist, a puppet show done with a raw chicken that pops out an egg, some frat boy types doing a Stomp-like routine with trash cans and colorful batons, and a quartet of beautiful girls that sing an old time-y tune.

80-year-old retired waitress Mary Blye is a tap dancer in a polka dot dress. She looks like an elderly Shirley Temple. She taps her way on stage and makes a Mary J. Blige reference — who doesn’t love an old lady who can bust out some pop culture quips? Her music cranks up and she begins her tapping. Considering her age, it’s not bad, but that in no way implies that it’s great. Jerry Springer is terrified that she will fall off the edge of the stage, which thankfully she does not. She gets a buzz from David and Piers, and after David gives his critique she begins tapping offstage. I think she forgot where she was, and in fact David calls back to my earlier joke and says she looks like Shirley Temple after being lost in the woods for years. Mary is not going to Vegas, but everyone enjoyed her moxie anyway.

From over the hill to barely starting up the hill, there’s a sad montage of little kids getting their hearts broken when they are told they aren’t talented enough to proceed. Sorry, wee little tap dancer! Au revoir, hula hooping boy! You did do your best, mini accordion player! Sadly, your best wasn’t good enough, but you’re young, I trust you’ll bounce back from this nationally televised failure.

Can four year old singer Kaitlyn Maher win the judges’ hearts when so many other moppets have tried and failed? Her parents seem to think so, and what better objective judges of her talent could there be? To “awws” from the audience Kaitlyn sings “Somewhere Out There” and does an absolutely adorable job. This is perhaps the cutest thing I’ve seen on TV this year, I’m not going to lie. You can see Piers’s heart grow three sizes that day as he watches, and as Kaitlyn ends the audience cheers loudly. She gets three yesses from the judges and she’s off to Vegas. Seems her parents were right about her after all.

I am normally such a jaded person, but that whole sequence totally made me smile. If you excuse me, I think I have something in my eye. I should go take care of that.

On to Chicago, where more acts wait for the chance to embarrass themselves on TV. A group of moms calling themselves the Slippery Kittens are the first to perform. The lead mom looks like she’s on her way to having Joan Rivers’s face, and I am frightened to think what the “slippery kittens” of this groups’ name is referring to. The ladies come out dressed in old time-y red-and-black dresses, saying that they want to show that burlesque can be classy. They do a Can Can and proceed to strip off much of their clothing while flashing their underoos at the camera, which is not the class they promised us, no sir. I’m sure their children are mortified watching this at home, though it is fairly enjoyable for the rest of us. Piers makes a crack about the Joan Rivers mom having had a lot of work done, which is horribly inappropriate and also funny as all heck. Good show, Mr. Morgan. The Slippery Kittens are put through to Vegas.

32-year-old factory worker Che has invented something that looks like two guitars fused together into one big Siamese guitar. He spends far too much time plugging the contraption in as a bored, silent audience watches. Eventually he gets started and the results are horrendous. It’s like what would happen if I played Guitar Hero drunk, this noise he makes. He is booed and buzzed off the stage.

The audience goes mad, apparently, and begins booing people off stage without even giving them a chance. Even Santa can’t win them over. The audience seems ready to storm the stage with giant hooks and pull off an old lady warbler and a group of percussionists. The judges are frightened for their lives. The audience wants blood.

17-year-old Jonathan was teased mercilessly as a child because of his talent. Will he now have to add “literally torn to shreds by a rabid Chicago audience” to his list of personal traumas? Turns out he is a baton twirler, and he goes whole hog by breaking out the flaming batons. “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” blares as he twirls and spins and tosses and even flips across the stage. He does well and, what do you know, he is greeted with uproarious cheers. The judges are proud of him, even calling out his emotional mother to congratulate her, too. Jonathan and his mom are on to Vegas.

I guess Chicago was overall not that impressive, because now we’re on to Los Angeles. A male Britney Spears impersonator named Derek comes on stage looking fierce. Sorry to say it, but current day Britney wishes she looked as good as this guys does while impersonating her. He does his drag act while singing along to “Toxic.” He even has fake backup singers. Piers is not amused, but the other judges and most of the audience seemed to enjoy themselves. I think we’re all just so starved for the original non-crazy Britney that we’ll glom on to the closest thing we can get. Piers doesn’t want Derek to go to Vegas, but Sharon and David both give him a yes. Faux Britney and his pleather cat suit are on to the next round.

Los Angeles proved good for the judges and we get a montage of other talented folks including a woman dancing with hoops, a clog dancing troop dressed in black leather, a 15-year-old singer who busts out with “I Have Nothing,” and a hip hop dance troop.

A group of dance teachers called Dallas Dance Company is up next, and even if all of these women are childless they look more like moms than the Slippery Kittens with their plastic surgery and tattoos ever will. Strangely, for a bunch of dance teachers their jazz dance routine is horrendous and they are all sent home. The judges are just as unimpressed by a “Thriller” routine performed by a group of high schoolers in full on zombie make up, a poor excuse for a hip hop dancer, a pair of twin dancers that did not double my pleasure, and a grandma on roller skates who does some krumping. That last one wasn’t as fun to watch as it should have been, sadly.

A contemporary young clog team is one of the last acts. They hit it hard as a hip-hop song comes on. They are kind of like Riverdance with a contemporary soundtrack, and I think it’s totally fun. Piers buzzes them, but he explains it was because he hated their dayglo outfits. He is booed soundly by the audience. With warning that they need to change the outfits and with the audience cheering for them, the youthful cloggers are sent through to Vegas.

Insurance salesmen Neil is an opera singer and is one of the last performers to go on. After lengthy talk about how his mother inspired him, during which Neil becomes misty eyed, they play his music and he begins to sing, absolutely beautifully. I’m no expert on opera, but it sounds fantastic to me. The theater audience clearly agrees and quickly gets to their feet. It’s not long before even the judges are standing, which is not something you often seen on any talent competition show. He easily sails through to the Vegas round, and he gets emotional as he is told he is now a clear front runner.

That’s it for this week’s auditions. The search for America’s top talent will continue next Tuesday at 9pm with another two hours of entertaining and talented people vying for the grand prize as Piers, Sharon and David continue their trek through America’s largest cities.

America’s Got Talent News

America’s Got Talent has finally finished the Auditions for 2007. The Judges of America’s Got Talent have decided upon 20  semi-finalists. For the july18th show we get to see ten of the semi finalist perform. American jumps in and will have a chance to vote to deterime who stays and who goes.

The first act up is Johnny Lonestar, the rodeo act.  He’s wearing shiny gold pants and a great big grin, and successfully carries off his rope routine.  The judges are tickled - even Piers Morgan - but want him to bring some variety next time if he makes it through.  One can’t help but wonder if this kind of old-timey act has the slightest chance with the public, but we’ll have to wait to see next week.

Julienne Irwin is next to take the stage.  She is the young woman, novice performer, with a powerful voice and a surprisingly confident stage manner.  She is a little flat this evening, but the judges still love her wholesomely beautiful presence, and think there’s no question that she will make it through to the next round.  When looking at her, so clear-eyed and clean-cut, you can only hope that no image consultants get a hold of her and tart her whole act up.

The only magician to make it to the semi-finals of America’s Got Talent, Kevin James, now makes his appearance.  Although his creative and gory performance last time wowed the judges, this time his act lands with a thud.  He runs around stage with a “severed hand” that is so obviously his own and, as David Hasselhoff puts, there is no pay-off to the act.  Sharon Osborne asks if he’s saving the best for last and he confirms he is, but will the audience vote him on to see it? I think overconfidence got the best of him, but maybe being taken down a notch will get him back on track.

Robert Hatcher, another vocalist, sings a Whitney Houston song well.  The judges think his overall presentation says “star,” but he can maybe dial back the hand gestures because he doesn’t need to try to so hard.  His day job is working in the sewers, but his infectious smile makes you hope this might be his ticket out.

The teen band Jonny Come Lately sings “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” It’s pretty solid, although the bassist has a technical issue.  The judges feel, though, that since they are a group of kids, they should bring a fresher energy to the stage and want to see more originality if they make it to the next round.  Agreed - as impressive as their performance might be for their age, there’s not very far to go if they continue to just ape a musical genre without adding their own flair.

Now Kashif, the gangly Bollywood dancer takes the stage.  I sincerely want to like his act, and but he really doesn’t have a whole lot to offer beyond novelty.  Indian dancing seems to require some level of precision and tight movement but his presentation is sloppy and his affect slightly flat.  Sharon and David still like him, though, and hope for the best for him.

Butterscotch, the beat-boxer/singer, performs next.  The song is “Summertime,” which she starts with a relatively convincing trumpet sound.  Her performance is strong, and Piers - even though he hates her camoflauge outfit - thinks she is one of the most inventive and original performers he’s seen.  Everyone loves it.

The next act is the martial arts group Sideswipe.  They do their routine of impressive kicks and flips, and of course, expose their rock hard abs.  The audience and the judges seem to really enjoy this, but Piers think they do need to add a little more dance in order to amp up the entertainment value.

Manuel Romero, the young vocalist, sings “Have You Ever Loved a Woman?”  His performance sounded slightly flat to this recapper, but the judges love him.

Last up - the Glamazons, or “plus-sized Pussycat Dolls” as they’ve been called.  They sing “Hot Stuff.”  Maybe the acoustics were bad because once again, their performance seemed slightly off-key.  However, they are charming and really sell the performance, so the judges enjoy it.

Next week, the next ten America’s Got Talent semi-finalists, and the results of the audience voting.  Tune in to see if your favorite made the cut!

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America’s Got Talent

Remove Regis Philbon, Insert Jerry Springer. Remove Brandy, insert Sharon Osborne, Remove a Heart and Consquience and you got Piers Morgan. Add some pills and Booze and you got David Hasselhoff. Yes this is America’s Got Talent

The first 4 weeks of the show will be auditions, in Dallas, Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, and are open to anyone that wants to try out.  The grand prize, just like last year, is one million dollars.  At this point, the contestants are trying to get to the Las Vegas round, where the top 20 will be chosen.  From that point, the competition is in our hands.

We’re starting out with Dallas tonight.  Our first contestant tonight is a Barry White sound alike.  Seems to me he should have tried out for the Next Big Thing or whatever the show on ABC is with the impressionists.  His name is Tony La Brea, and he’s here from Los Angeles, to sing the p***ycat Dolls.  Unfortunately, he’s not very good, and taking that robe off didn’t help.  Wow, what a way to start the show!  Poor David Hasselhoff looks like he needs to bleach his brain after that, Piers begs him to just put it away, and Sharon seems to have the giggles.  Needless to say, he got x’ed right off the stage.

Next up is a humongous family that is apparently a country act?  They seem like there are more of them than the Osmonds!  They are the Dutton’s, and they are from Branson, Missouri.  Well, I can see where they would be popular in Branson, and they are pretty entertaining, if not a tad too twangy for my taste.  I don’t think that Piers liked them much, he buzzed them before they were done, but the crowd loves them.  David and Sharon liked them too.  Piers’ main complaint is that there are too many Dutton’s on the stage, and he thinks that they need to pare down their cast a bit if they are serious about winning.  They are moving on to the next round, without Piers’ vote.

Oh boy.  Elvis is in the building.  A heavily made up Elvis, but Elvis is in the house.    They all voted him off before he could sing, but have a change of heart and let him try.  Heart was not a good thing.  He sounded as bad as he looked!  Just as quick as he came, Elvis has left the building.

Next up is Megan, an 18 year old ventriloquist from Beaumont Texas.  Now, what’s unusual about Megan is that she has TWO dummies rather than the usual one.  One is a boy, and the other a girl.  Piers gave her the x before she was done.  I don’t think he likes this type of act.  His beef with her is that he doesn’t think it will work for an adult audience, and he may have a point.  Sharon agrees, but wants her to have a chance in Vegas to try something a bit more grown up, and David agrees, so we’ll be seeing Megan and her dummies again.

Now we’re meeting Erica, a young girl inspired by Bianca Ryan, last year’s winner.  She seems to think she’s better than Bianca was.  Piers must be cranky, he just buzzed her too.  I don’t think he’s given a single pass out tonight.  Wow, he was just harsh with this girl, but he’s got a point.  Sharon thinks she can sing, but it kind of creeps her out that a girl so little is singing such an adult song.  David thought she could sing as well, but they pass on her anyway.

After the break, we meet Mr. Bill, a professional school bus driver from Vegas that aspires to be a vocalist.  Oh, another veto from Piers. Mr. Bill started out shaky, but had a big finish.  The audience and Sharon wanted to give him a chance, but he got shot down.

When we get back from the commercial break, we are treated to a real WHAT THE HELL moment!  I’m not sure what it was supposed to be, some sort of performance art.  It looked like 2 huge undulating slinkys, and it really was just slightly nauseating to watch all that rainbow color wriggle around.

Next up is Ari Marks, an energetic violinist who gets vetoed very quickly.  Her hubby is up right after her, on the guitar.  He seems to be received more favorably than she was, and is a hit with the audience.  Piers says that he got better while his wife got worse.  I swear, he’s meaner than Simon!  Bottom line, David makes it, Ari does not.  Bet its awkward at their house tonight!

Oh, now there’s this 9 year old cutie from Carson NV, named Breeze.  She gets vetoed, but wow that girl is cute!  David reminds Piers to be nice, so of course, he rips on her mom instead of her.  Where’s that case of bran I was going to send Len?  Good girl!  Breeze lets him have it, telling him that her mom didn’t push her, she helped her.  Sharon is so fed up with Piers, and the competition in general, that she walks out.  I can’t say as I blame her, Piers has been in rare form today, I haven’t heard him say anything nice to anyone today.  Even when he passed the guitarist through, it was full of digs at the wife.  Its nice to see that Sharon isn’t going to take Piers’ crap, but this judging seems to be a bit harder for her than it was for Brandy last year.

And, we’re into hour two, starting with another recap of the good, the bad, and the ugly.  After the recap, we see what a class act Sharon is, apologizing to poor little Breeze, who has waited out the whole mess.  She’s a trooper and says its okay.  What a sweet kid.  Amazingly, Piers apologizes as well, its a nice gesture even though I don’t believe him.  Breeze was vetoed ultimately, but she sure ended up with a lot of air time with this drama.

Next we have a singing trio who looks great, called Southern Girl.  Wow, Piers let them finish without buzzing.  They have a great look and a great sound, and will be headed to Vegas.

There ever plenty of freaks in the reject bins tonight!  They are going too fast and furious with them for me to describe, but if there is a clip of the serious rejects on NBC or YouTube, watch it, these people are funny.

Next up is Bronson Gold, who is seriously just the worst dancer I think I’ve ever seen.  He could give my friend Sexy on So You Think You Can Dance a run for his money!  Wow!  Just, WOW!  For those of you that know who I’m talking about, he’s got that same kind of attitude as Sexy does too.  Give this guy the hook, already!

Looks like we might be treated to something good with aspiring singer and guitarist Fallon, from Kyle TX.  She’s ambitious, taking on a Jewel tune, and nailing it, in my opinion.  Fallon gets a standing ovation from the audience, and again, Piers didn’t buzz her.  WOW!  He even said something nice.  Must have had some Metamucil during one of the breaks…of course, she’s going through to Vegas, and if I were a betting girl, I’d say we will see her in the top 20.

After the break, we meet Sanjaya…oops, my bad, Brandon.  He’s got a fauxhawk, I was confused.  Brandon is an aerialist.  Yes, one of those performers like in Cirque De Soleli, that dangles from the bedsheets.  He was pretty good, but doesn’t get through.

There was just a horrible singer up there that butchered Stevie Wonder so badly that I had to mute the tv.  Enough said about him!

After the break, there is this awesome dance troupe.  I think they should go through to Vegas, and so do the judges.  I’m looking forward to seeing what else they can come up with.  This is another of those acts that is hard to describe.  Check nbc.com for the video.

Oh goodie…a dog act.  It reminded me of the Pets Rule show at Sea World.  Very entertaining, but I don’t think they are going to be able to do much more than what they showed tonight.

Can we tell that I’m getting bored?  2 hours is a bit long in the tooth for me for this show.  Next up is the Rascals, a singing/dancing group.  They are pretty good.  Piers says they have a great stage presence.    David wants them through to Vegas, Sharon says they aren’t ready.  Piers is the swing vote and puts them through.

Now we have a father/son acrobatic act from Vegas that is pretty good, but it seems to me that it should be one of those floor shows in the casino that you stop and watch while you’re wandering through and playing slots.  They are through to Vegas.

Oh-kay….there is a brother act called the Pec Brothers up now, and I think this is the funniest act I’ve seen all night.  Yes, they are flexing their boobs, to Dueling Banjos.  It was scary and funny and disturbing all at once.  The judges have a good giggle, but of course they get shot down!

Last act of the night is a dancing sax guy, named Mr Big “Who’s Got the Beat” or something like that. His real name is Andrew.

Just the same old Auditon process with plenty of bad acts to endure.

Your thoughts?

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