Another Recap of America’s Got Talent Week 1
Another Recap of America’s Got Talent Week 1
The America’s Got Talent Judges for Season 3 are the same as Season 2: They are Piers Morgan, winner of Celebrity Apprentice (the Simon). Sharon Osbourne, an adorable firecracker (the Paula, but sober). David Hasselhoff, whom I’ve heard Germans love (the Randy). (Aside: if you haven’t seen Hasselhoff’s Jekyll & Hyde, it was impressive.) It also sounds like in addition to the judges’ buzzers, the audience can boo you off-stage. This is like The Gong Show meets Night at the Apollo. I cannot wait.
It kicks off in New York City with 52 year-old metal worker Bill Curly. He is a self-described “song & dance man” and says his act is “serious/mysterious.” Yikes. One thing I dislike about Idol is there aren’t enough good auditions broadcast and there are too many borderline mentally-challenged adults getting laughed at by the judges. I’m fearful this fits into the latter category. Curly Bill Brosius sings “It’s Not Unusual” and gets buzzed right away by Hoff and Piers. Sharon says that it was actually Bill doing Elvis doing Tom Jones. He is quickly dispatched.
There’s a montage set to Michael Jackson’s “Bad” of a tongue-stretcher (call me!), a trumpeter with dance moves, a mime (eek!), some sort of acrobat in a box, a man blowing on his hand like a fake fart (ew), and an unfunny comedian. We then have Jonathan, a 32 year-old classical trombonist. The trombone is not a sexy instrument, but I’ll give him a shot. He plays “Bad Girls,” and has some kick-ass disco moves. This guy rules! He even breaks out the Fonzie-Russian-dancer-move while he plays. Dayum! The judges loved him, the audience was going bananas, he’s through to the next round.
Twin sisters Gabriela and Michaela, who are from Rumania and go by “Indigo,” are wearing futuristic hooker outfits and a lot of makeup. They have a routine to “New York, New York” and it’s… these might be twin drag queens. They get buzzed by the men, but the audience seems to be having a grand ol’ time. I think on their last big note, a little blood trickled out of my ears. Hoff compares them to Dracula Women, but Sharon puts them through because America is the Land of Opportunity. Hey, if we don’t give opportunities to futuristic twin hooker Rumanian drag queens, who do we give chances to? Hoff says he’ll give them an opportunity to go back to Bucharest. HAHA! Hoff made me laugh. They strip off their jackets and then Piers puts them through. That was unexpected.
Brothers Tory and Damian from Queens are “Nuttin’ but Strings.” They combine classical and hip-hop on their violins. This looks amazing, I am giddy with anticipation. They do not disappoint. I’ve found my early favorite. It’s hard to do it justice here, but essentially they play violins set to a hip-hop soundtrack. The energy is amazing. Well done. Piers calls them original and super-talented. Sharon says they are going to be responsible for a lot of young kids going for violin lessons, which is exactly what they want. Hoff loved it and so did I.
There is a Montage o’ Yesses with an illusionist (unfortunately not named Gob), a puppeteer (with a de-feathered headless turkey body as a puppet, dear lord), five cutie boys doing a Stomp/Blue Man Group act, and four girls called “Jazmin” who sing “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.” Why couldn’t we see more of that and less of Tom-Jones-metal-worker-guy?
Next up is the tap-dancing reanimated corpse of Bette Davis. Oh, I’m sorry… it’s actually Mary Bly. She’s an 80 year-old tap-dancer. I admire her wanting to do this before she croaks (her words), but I’m pretty sure she’s wearing one of Shirley Temple’s dresses. When she’s dancing, she looks absolutely terrified but she moves pretty well for an 80 year-old woman. She reminds me of how my grandma used to dance in a group of line-dancing old women called “The Silver Liners.” Good for Mary. Hoff steals my Shirley Temple joke, but says no. Sharon tells her she did beautifully and gives her a yes. Piers says no thanks.
There’s a montage of young contestants with a tap-dancer, a hula-hooper, a singer and an accordian player (accordianist?). However, then we have Kae Lynn (Calyn?). She’s four and I swear to God, Piers better be nice to her. She runs out on stage and when asked if she’s from New York, she says, “I’m from America.” Awww. She sings “Somewhere Out There” and she has that thing with kids where her Rs haven’t quite dropped yet, so it sounds like “Somewhewe Out Thewe.” Sharon and I are getting misty, this is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. For a four year-old, this is pretty good too; she can really follow the melody line. Sharon tells her well done, Piers tells her she’s the best four year-old singer in the world, Hoff says “fantastic.” They all vote yes while a Katharine McPhee wannabe sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in the background. Kae Lynn runs off to hug her daddy. Awwww. Dammit show. Now I’m all cry-faced.
For the second hour tonight we move to Chicago. First is a group of moms called the Slippered Kittens. The spokesmom of the group looks like a Girl Next Door. They dance to traditional can-can music and they also strip. They said they wanted to show that burlesque could be classy, but I don’t know if this was the way to do it. Hoff says they were great but I think that might have been Lil’ Hoff talking. Piers and Sharon both see potential and they are through to the next round. Huh. I thought that was pretty rough because, stripping aside, the dancing wasn’t that good.
Up next is Chay Vang, who kicks off a Montage O’ Boos with his two-necked guitar he made himself. Except he can’t get plugged in. Then he has to fiddle with the amps a little. The crowd gets restless. His actual guitar playing is hideous, he gets the hook. (I wish there was a hook.) Terry comes out to do a… voiceover? That’s his talent? Huh. The crowd then boos Santa Claus (must all be Phillies fans), an Ethel Merman-esque lady and finally a brass group whose lead singer looks like he escaped from an asylum.
We meet 17 year-old Jonathan, who is a baton twirler I think? He talks about how hard it was for him growing up. Turns out I was right, he is a baton twirler. I could tell by the outfit. He performs to “Devil Went Down to Georgia” and he twirls a flaming baton. He’s like Cheryl Frasier come to life. He’s doing all the moves that I recognize as extremely difficult for twirlers, so I hope he makes it. Hoff says all the kids who called him names can shove it and that he’s proud of Jonathan for sticking with his dream. Awww, Hoff! What a nice thing to say! I like these judges A LOT more than Randy/Paula/Simon. Jonathan is through to the next round.
We’ve now moved to Los Angeles for the last thirty minutes. It’s awesome that Chicago gave us stripping moms and a baton twirler. A Britney impersonator is our first act and it’s a little scary how much he actually looks like Britney. Derek is a 24 year-old professional Britney impersonator. How does he not already have a Vegas show? He dances to “Toxic,” but he only lip-syncs. I guess that’s what Britney does most the time too, though. Fair enough. It was a pretty good imitation, I’ll give him that. Piers calls it a trainwreck and I agree, but Sharon and Hoff say yes.
Montage O’ Yesses include a gymnast-hula-hooper, a clog group, a singer who is 15 and sings “I Have Nothing,” and a hip-hop group. Then we have a group of dance teachers called “Dallas Dance Company” doing a jazz routine to “Groove is in the Heart,” but they get buzzed. A Montage O’ Sucky Dance Groups shows a Thriller dance, a solo dancer, a partner dance, and a crazy woman on roller skates. There’s another clogging group called Extreme Dancing FX that does contemporary, hip-hop clogging, which is cool. They dance to a hip-hop mix and it’s quite entertaining. Piers hates their outfits, which is a quibble. Sharon loved it and Hoff loved it, but says change your outfits. They immediately strip off their outer shirts, haha! They’re through to the next round.
Our last guy of the night is 32 year-old insurance salesman opera singer named Neal. He talks about growing up poor and how important his mom is to him. Awww. It’s a lil’ dusty in here again. He says he got into opera listening to the Three Tenors when he was little and also how proud his mom is and he gets choked up. Geez Louise, I can’t take these stories! These kick the Idol stories’ butts. He sings something in Italian, I don’t recognize it. I apologize for my lack of opera knowledge. Neal is very good, though. He gets a standing ovation and breaks down in tears and now I’m crying. Good lord in heaven. Hoff calls him the front-runner, Sharon says he’s spectacular, and Piers says there was electricity. Aww. He’s through, what a great moment.
Final Thoughts: Jerry Springer stands off to the side and makes random comments. He is no Ryan Seacrest and he is completely unnecessary. The judges are awesome; I think I want to marry David Hasselhoff. There’s been some awesome talent tonight and I appreciate that the weirdo-terrible-crazy acts were kept to a minimum; the American Idol editors could take a page from the editors of this show. The voiceover tells us to come back next week for EVEN MORE TALENT!
Source: ZapToIt