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America's Got Talent 6-21-06 Recap and Review
America’s Got Talent 6-21-06 Review: Bring on The Clowns
America’s Got Talent made its network premier on NBC Wednesday 6-21-06. The much publicized sister show to American Idol was a 2 hour “Audition” show in which the American TV viewing audience was subjected to heinous singing, a senior citizen stripper, granny rapper, a balloon artist, animal acts and countless number of jugglers.
The two hour fiasco aired 27 acts on stage. I counted two, just two that were worthwhile. Both Alexis Jordan a 14 year old singing sensation and male signing group “At Last” were the highlights of the “Talent”. Thirteen other so called acts ranging from juggles, performance artist, animal acts, singers and magicians made it through to the next round.
If you missed the two hour show, you didn’t miss much. If you taped or TIVO’d America’s Got Talent watch it in Fast Forward. To save you time and energy here is what you missed.
The three celebrity Judges consisted of David Hasslehoff, Brandy and Piers Morgan. Each of these so called judges must have had a script from the past seasons of American Idol. Brandy played Paula Abdul, Hasslehoff took on the Randy " Yo Dog" Jackson persona, and British Judge Piers Morgan had his Simon act down to a T. (sans sweater).
Brandy "Aka Non-Drunk Paula Abdul" rarely had a negative thing to say and "Loved everyone". Piers "Aka Simon-Jr" was the snarky one. David Hasslehoff was just way out there. Hasslehoff enjoyed some of the most heinous and bizarre acts and was upset when the other two judges reached over to BUZZ the final X to stop the insanity.
The premise of America's Got Talent is a talent contest. There early rounds were labeled as auditions. Each Judge had the opportunity to BUZZ out any contestant. Once the BUZZed a Large Red X appeared at the Head of the Stage. If a contestant received 3 X's they were to spot performing. At some point the 3x's meant see you later, you have no shot in hell. At other times the 3 X's were you sucked, but for some compassionate reason or pure numbers game, come on back next week. The judges voted them on to next week, even after giving then the 3X strikeout. Humm. Let's get the rules straight guys. 3 strikes and your out, even in the old Chuck Berry Gong show days, it held true that a single Gong you where Gone!
First Act of the First Season of America’s Got Talent was “Bobby BadFingers”. Mr. Fingers special talent is the ability to snap his fingers in a rapid pace, apparently in tune to a musical complement. Um. Um. Our Three Judges thought he had Talent and we will be subjected to Snap-a-long Cassidy at least one more time. This set the tone. The show was pretty much down hill from here. Even Regis Philbon the host knew it and tried many times to inform us that this was just an audition process.
Then came “Dave the Horn Guy” who was unique and better than Mr. Snapple,
but got 3 X’s from the guys. However in this weird competition the judges
talked themselves into keeping Mr. Beep Beep.
A Group called Blue Velvet lasted 10 seconds and was gone. “At Last” 4
male singing group got a standing ovation with “Ain’t no sunshine when
she’s gone” and do have true talent. Fifth on stage was a 8 year old little
girl comedian. She was cute and her material was decent. We will see her
again. One of the many jugglers of the evening Kenny Shelton earned his
way back from 3x’s to advance to the next round.
A Bizarre act with 2 males dressed as Pirates, and a Female dressed as a gipsy along with a Donkey did some weird performance art. Luckily there are gone forever in this season of America’s Got Talent.
The Donkey act was followed by a Senior Citizen calling himself the worlds oldest male stripper. Bernie Baker, got 3 X’s from the Judges but David Hasseloff was engrossed in the performance and possibly viewed it as a future act to copy for his next come back. Male Stripper will be back for another round of this Family oriented show.
Alexis Jordon the 2nd true talent of this evening performed a nearly flawless rendition of Whitney Houston’s “I have nothing”. Audience, Judges and people at home I am sure could see a bright future for Ms Jordon.
Eddie Haskle’s singing saws last 10 seconds and got the AXE. Pun intended. Kevin Johnson’s ventriloquist act secured himself into the next round. The singing and harp playing of senior Kathy Kavanaugh earned her a trip home. Her opera style just didn’t stand up to these talented acts the judges were seeking. The worlds most cockiest and geekiest impressionist Eric “ Harry Carey” Mol bit with the voices of Yoda, Scooby doo and Arnold lacked intelligence, humor, and above all talent. Eric Mol, Gone he is, yes!
A Russian lost on his way to Circus del sole , Valdimir ( Triple Letter Word Score) Malchikhin twisted, contorted and balanced his way to the next round. Team ArcoDunk soon to be at a basketball half time show near you trampolined and dunked their way into the next round.
The full moon weirdo Jay Myl and his playing Noise Flute lasted 10 seconds, but his heckling of the judges was classic. I vote him onto the next round just to keep giving Hasselhoff crap. But sadly Nasal tones are not considered a Talent. May have to check Wiki for a proper ruling on that. Blue Plate Special Senior Citizen discount Betty Victor got through a few bars of “God Bless America” before the Red X’s Flashed.
Another full moon act, The Boofont Sister made a brief appearance. I couldn’t tell if they were men in drag or Ugly overweight women or something in between. Mosesha loved their singing voice and Hasslehoff was impressed by the fact he couldn’t figure out if they were male or female either. Piers Morgan had the line of the evening saying they should team up with Bernie Baker the Oldest Male stripper and create an act.
Another Juggler Ivan Pecel made the cut along with a unique magic act preformed by Nathian Burton and a undisclosed black performer. Holy Cow an Inflatable break dancing milk squirting Heifer was BBQ’s by the judges. Gospel singer Michael Speaks impressed the audience and judges and will thankfully be back soon. Vadik another fricken Juggler made it to the next round, while Wild Life Wendy and her talking Wazu bird act flew the coup. The act was actually really good, compared to some of the crap we had witnessed. J R Johns and his dogs act scooped their way to the next round while a Balloon performer an S. Frank Stringham took his Mr. Potato Head Balloon act somewhere else. Our Show came to a close with a Rapping Granny that got audience ovations and judges praises. Why I don’t know, but this is America’s Got Talent.
See you next week for some more bizarre stuff and a few diamonds in the
rough.
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